Thursday, December 09, 2004
i know the previous entry should have been the last before i move my blog, but really, i just cannot end the day without first capturing it onto this blog ...
i miss all the stress, all the hard work, all the pre-competition preparation ... i really do ... now it feels so empty. my thoughts are really all jumbled up so make sense of it if you can.
i had nothing to lose at all when i entered the competition as a guy who only has one year of experience, and i was there for the experience. that was hls's point of view too ... then as we got closer to the competition i started to sense a certain type of tension within him, and i started to take the competition a little more seriously than before. on looking back, the support he's given me has been immense, absolutely tremendous. maybe because of that i felt the pressure to deliver, so as not to disappoint him.
the past two weeks have just been totally hectic. all too suddenly, now that i'm out of the competition, it feels as if there is a very big gap in my life ... i played yu bei for one whole year, and i liked the song, and to go out like that is gutting, to say the least.
but looking back even i am surprised at the progress i have made in just one year, to be honest. i think the acceleration was the fastest in the final month. i guess i can draw comfort and even satisfaction from that, but then its just not the same ...
i had a high fever the night before the competition and i took all sorts of remedies ... and then this morning at 11 i went to hls's house to have lesson. it all went well, and everything was quite relaxed. had a simple lunch there, and yls and hls traded some hilarious banter with michelle ... then at 12.35 hls and i left for SCH in his mini cooper. he went zoooom ...
while waiting in the holding room, hls told me not to practise, and to just go out and walk around. received some nice encouraging smses from ppl like xl, yt, yh ... but i had a particularly emotional time reading mr lee's (my ex rico teacher-in-charge) sms. he was in shanghai, yet still remembered ben ang's and my competitions ... and the content of it really related to my situation a lot ... made me look back on some things and it lifted me tremendously ...
waited backstage, then suddenly it became my turn ... the whole thing just came and go like that. i thought i did okay only. immediately after i went backstage, hls smsed me "tai4 jin3 zhang1 le. bu4 guo4 zhen3 ti3 hai2 ke3 yi3, da2 dao4 70 ba1 xian1." sigh ... watched the competitors after me perform ... they were good ... then after all 15 went up, the results were announced, and everyone left. then hls walked hastily up to us (father, sis and i) and said some stuff to me, and then hurriedly left ...
went back home, and just pushed everything to the back of my mind ... everything in there was in a mess, but i had no time to pause and think just yet. received two very nice smses from hls which again proved to be quite an emotional experience just to read them ... sent an sms to mr lee. at 9-something, mr lee replied with an sms which made me long wistfully for the days gone by where we could enjoy a truly close relationship with a teacher we really respect. it seemed as if everything happened so fast ...
in my life i've been blessed with great, inspirational teachers who've had great impact on my life, people who really inspire me to push myself to the limit and allow me to discover a side of me i would never realise i have ... hls and mr lee being two of them ... i really, really respect them a lot ...
i just don't know what to put down and what not to put down, but trust me, a LOT is going through my mind now ... and there are so much stuff that i won't put down here ...
but at the end of the day, i think i can hold my head up high knowing i did my best ... congrats to the finalists ... and i wanna thank a lot of ppl for their support ... hls, mr lee, my parents, my sis, my bro, all those who supported me, and of course sy, ys and yq haha ...
i think i am beginning to realise what i'm feeling ... funny as it may seem, but i actually don't want this day to end ... at all ... its 2.45 am now ... half an hour since i decided to pen down my thoughts ... and i've finally reached this conclusion. it'll be next year before my next lesson, and i can't wait to have the next lesson ... maybe a break from it all would be good to freshen things up ... argh but i just don't want all this to end, everything, the whole overwhelming experience, including the disappointment and all ...
i miss all the stress, all the hard work, all the pre-competition preparation ... i really do ... now it feels so empty. my thoughts are really all jumbled up so make sense of it if you can.
i had nothing to lose at all when i entered the competition as a guy who only has one year of experience, and i was there for the experience. that was hls's point of view too ... then as we got closer to the competition i started to sense a certain type of tension within him, and i started to take the competition a little more seriously than before. on looking back, the support he's given me has been immense, absolutely tremendous. maybe because of that i felt the pressure to deliver, so as not to disappoint him.
the past two weeks have just been totally hectic. all too suddenly, now that i'm out of the competition, it feels as if there is a very big gap in my life ... i played yu bei for one whole year, and i liked the song, and to go out like that is gutting, to say the least.
but looking back even i am surprised at the progress i have made in just one year, to be honest. i think the acceleration was the fastest in the final month. i guess i can draw comfort and even satisfaction from that, but then its just not the same ...
i had a high fever the night before the competition and i took all sorts of remedies ... and then this morning at 11 i went to hls's house to have lesson. it all went well, and everything was quite relaxed. had a simple lunch there, and yls and hls traded some hilarious banter with michelle ... then at 12.35 hls and i left for SCH in his mini cooper. he went zoooom ...
while waiting in the holding room, hls told me not to practise, and to just go out and walk around. received some nice encouraging smses from ppl like xl, yt, yh ... but i had a particularly emotional time reading mr lee's (my ex rico teacher-in-charge) sms. he was in shanghai, yet still remembered ben ang's and my competitions ... and the content of it really related to my situation a lot ... made me look back on some things and it lifted me tremendously ...
waited backstage, then suddenly it became my turn ... the whole thing just came and go like that. i thought i did okay only. immediately after i went backstage, hls smsed me "tai4 jin3 zhang1 le. bu4 guo4 zhen3 ti3 hai2 ke3 yi3, da2 dao4 70 ba1 xian1." sigh ... watched the competitors after me perform ... they were good ... then after all 15 went up, the results were announced, and everyone left. then hls walked hastily up to us (father, sis and i) and said some stuff to me, and then hurriedly left ...
went back home, and just pushed everything to the back of my mind ... everything in there was in a mess, but i had no time to pause and think just yet. received two very nice smses from hls which again proved to be quite an emotional experience just to read them ... sent an sms to mr lee. at 9-something, mr lee replied with an sms which made me long wistfully for the days gone by where we could enjoy a truly close relationship with a teacher we really respect. it seemed as if everything happened so fast ...
in my life i've been blessed with great, inspirational teachers who've had great impact on my life, people who really inspire me to push myself to the limit and allow me to discover a side of me i would never realise i have ... hls and mr lee being two of them ... i really, really respect them a lot ...
i just don't know what to put down and what not to put down, but trust me, a LOT is going through my mind now ... and there are so much stuff that i won't put down here ...
but at the end of the day, i think i can hold my head up high knowing i did my best ... congrats to the finalists ... and i wanna thank a lot of ppl for their support ... hls, mr lee, my parents, my sis, my bro, all those who supported me, and of course sy, ys and yq haha ...
i think i am beginning to realise what i'm feeling ... funny as it may seem, but i actually don't want this day to end ... at all ... its 2.45 am now ... half an hour since i decided to pen down my thoughts ... and i've finally reached this conclusion. it'll be next year before my next lesson, and i can't wait to have the next lesson ... maybe a break from it all would be good to freshen things up ... argh but i just don't want all this to end, everything, the whole overwhelming experience, including the disappointment and all ...
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